wake up i wanna do it froggy style
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
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Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
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U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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