we should wear snuggies to the strip club
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
