Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
