Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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