It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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