you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
