i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like