I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
he just fucked me for my cheese..