So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.