Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
