have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
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some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
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We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"