Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory