we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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