I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize