i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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