Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
