Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
