he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
