Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
