the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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