At least make sure they are 18
Why
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
