I am puke
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
