just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
