My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
