3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
