Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
