ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
