I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
