my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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