Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
