I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
