I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
