i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
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Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
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I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
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