they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
