Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
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No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
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But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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