Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
