i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
