I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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