my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize