He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
