OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
