She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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