I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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