he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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