i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
