you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
