I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
