the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
