he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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