8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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