I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
