I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
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During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
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A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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