definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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