I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
