When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
