doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
