I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
