so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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