God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
