So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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