She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
