Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
