my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
