it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
