i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
no you cant smoke seaweed
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
