hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
