That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
