you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
