I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
