This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
