I want you more than these girls want KFC
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
