Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I didn't notice because vodka
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
