I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
