do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
