Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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