My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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